With the truck in the barn and the GPS off
Visions of no more work sounded just tops
I kicked off my boots and hung up my hat
Just as the dog wandered in for a pat

When out in the pasture I heard all kinds of chatter
I dropped my smartphone to see what was the matter
I Jumped up from my computer and then out onto my ATV
And found a Jolly ‘ol Cowboy looking at me

He was pointing out yonder toward the wheat fields
And he began boasting loudly about big yields
I could tell by his smile he loved this dear earth
Knowing that I had believed in him since birth

Through the Kansas wind and the blinding dust
He began to speak louder and said “Listen you must”

If things don’t always go just right
Keep working even into the night
And be sure to give it all your might
Don’t give up on your set trail
And the checks will always be in your mail

Then he stepped up into his red and white striped truck
And inside were his elves dressed in green for luck

As he drove away slowly I heard him say
“Don’t ever give in and just ride away
Because right here under where you stand
is your most precious gift, “This Great Land”

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a ’puter was stirring, not even a mouse;

Round the tree, our few presents there we had heaped,

As we cursed the economy bleep, bleep and bleep.

The last nickel of ours, like a star on tree top,

There it shone and inspired amid the Great Flop.

When out on the lawn, I heard such a racket,

Like gnashing of teeth going up in tax bracket.

I flew to the window, my heart was a-throbbin’,

Expecting the worst, maybe even bin Laden.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But sleigh Henry Paulson pulled by eight Wall Street Peers.

With a beardy co-pilot so Fed-up and cranky,

I knew in an instant it must be Bernanke.

Now, Freddie! Now, Fannie! Now Citi and Goldman.

On Merrill! On Fargo! On WaMu and Morgan.*

“‘Our markets are failing,’ from the housetops we shout,

We need all your dollars, for us to bail out.”

So up to the roof they flew with a clunk,

Then down our chimney like snakes they did slunk.

Paulson he stammered, he hemmed and he hawed,

Then demanded our money, to give to the flawed.

“How now,” said I. “From whence did this come?”

“From ‘geeks bearing formulas’; boy, are they bums.”

“But you are so smart, so kingly and rich.”

“Our work was for others, for us not a stitch.

We lent to you poor, we opened our ARMs,

Then we jacked up your rates, and you’ve caused us great harm.

O’er swaps and loans toxic, we’ve booed and we’ve hooed,

Tho’ we sliced and we diced, they’re just bad I-O-Us.”

“Cheap, talk is,” said big Hanky the Hammer.

“We’re taking your Christmas so don’t even yammer.”

Then they spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,

Grabbing each gift with a grin and a smirk.

My Keogh they snatched and my 401(k),

They emptied my wallet and Roth I-R-A.

“Things will be worse if we don’t take your money,

Depression you’ll get, which is no milk and honey.”

“But what will you do with the cash you do rake,

After giving us jive and the old shake and bake?”

“Not telling. Not telling,” Hank said with a smile.

“Plans R not us. Don’t mess with me, pal.”

Hope flew out my window like the down of a thistle,

When all at once I heard a loud whistle.

A fat guy in red, appeared like Colossus,

Then noogied their noggins and bent a proboscis.

Hank and the Peers knew they were licked,

So away they ran for more treat and trick.

“I think,” said the fat guy, “they misunderstood,

It’s giving, not taking, that’s down in this hood.

“Help is ok for Hank and his crew,

But sooner or later free lunch is a screw.

Twice we will pay for their greed and their schemes,

First now, then away, it will stalk all our dreams.”

“Who knows what to think?” said I, on the fence.

“Get something for helping and use commonsense.”

Stood he there, my Knight, in noble relief,

“No remorse do they have. What a Christmas. Good Grief.”

*TARP recipients can be found at http://bailout.uslaw.com; and www.valueplays.blogspot.com/2008/11/current-tarp-recipient-list.